


In No Uncertain Terms

by windsocktier



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Collegestuck, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, a bunch of other kids/trolls at some point I'm sure, also Nepeta and Equius are the palest of palemates i love them so, also a bunch of other ships, college drama to ensue, from zany to heartbreaking probs, i don't know how to tag, i have some college au prompts i'd like to use for some shit it's gonna get real, lots of college drama, non-sburb AU, that i'm not positive about yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 21:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2443871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windsocktier/pseuds/windsocktier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Dave enrolled into University of Washington together, after being long-time best friends several states apart.  Now as college freshmen roommates, they're about to get their first taste of college life!  It's not really at all what they expected, but at least there's never a dull moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In No Uncertain Terms

Briskly, you make your way through Seattle’s usual early morning crowd toward the quaint little Starbucks sitting at the corner of the next intersection. It was cool, the misty Puget Sound air brushing against your pale cheeks as you move. Typical mid-September weather, really— late 50s to early 60s on an early morning like this one. Not really cold yet by your standards, but colder than it had been. The news cast said it’d warm up to the late 60s, maybe into the early 70s later in the day, but with the overcast sky as it was, it seemed doubtful it’d happen entirely too soon.

Not that you were thinking about it overly much, no. Your mind only briefly considered this as your thoughts buzzed around the activities you had planned for the day. Namely, meeting up with your long-time best friend, Dave, for the first time in a little over a year, now. You were damn excited to see him again in person since the last time he had spontaneously flown up during last year’s summer holiday. Dave’s time away had seemed to stretch languishly out before you— you missed him a lot more than you ever expected to. But now… now your long-distance broship would no longer have to suffer the distance. He was moving up here to start college with you. You were both already accepted into the University of Washington, it was just a matter of meeting up and moving into your dorm together.

Once inside the cafe, you brushed through a small congregation of people wandering over to a table to make a beeline for the register, waiting behind a couple people before you could make an order. As you wait, you slip your phone out to shoot said friend a text message.

**JOHN: hey! ok, i’m at the cafe. you still have the address i gave you?? how long do you think till you can get your scrawny ass over here? :B**

You hold your phone in your hand casually, rocking back on the heels of your tattered blue converse with a smile splitting your face in your barely contained excitement. You move up in line once the woman in front finished her order and you feel your phone vibrate, prompting you to lift it and check your messages. Of course, it’s from Dave. You haven’t text anyone else since yesterday morning or something. It’s been a bit of a blur, to be honest. Wasting no time, you open the message to read its contents.

**DAVE: im already here egderp need new glasses?**

Your eyebrows raise at this and your head quickly snaps up, tossing this way and that as you take in your surroundings with greater care till your eyes finally fall on the figure of a familiar blond. Grinning again, you lift your hand to wave. “Hey! Did you want anything?” you ask, gesturing for him to join you in line. You watch as the small smirk on Dave’s lips curls up a fraction before he lazily pushed himself from the chair he had slouched into and strode right up to your side, hands stuffed casually into his red hoodie’s pockets.

"Sup, Egbert, miss me?" he asked, bumping his shoulder against yours and leaning in a bit.

"Maybe a little," you teased, rolling your eyes and nudging him back with your elbow. "Know what you want, coolkid?"

"Sure do." You loved the way his voice drawled, just a bit, with those two words. Most of the time, he really didn’t speak with much of an accent— but certain words, phrases, would come out just so. Perhaps Dave meant it to be ironic… or maybe it wasn’t intentional at all and he wasn’t really aware.

Didn’t matter. You just loved the way some words dragged their way out past his lips.

Quickly, you push those thoughts aside, realizing you’d spaced out and the man in front of you both had also finished his order. Dave was already moving up, a hand on your elbow tugging you with him. “Yo, Earth to Egbert. I know I’m handsome as fuck, but you’re tying up the line and I want coffee.”

You know he’s joking, but you fluster anyway because, dammit, shut the hell up, Dave! Wow. “Whatever, dude! Just order your coffee already!” you respond, easily moving up with him to the front of the line. He smirks and you know your reaction amused him, you can tell. You tell yourself you hate it when he smirks at you like that, inwardly laughing at your expense, but you know you don’t. You really don’t and you’re really not sure how you feel about that.

"Yeah yeah, what a way to treat a lady, Egbert, geez. I mean, god damn." You swore you could hear the amusement in his voice. "Venti caramel macchiato with soy," he added to the barista as she looked between them with raised brows. "Extra whip." To this, you couldn’t help but quietly snicker, earning yourself an elbow between your ribs.

"Ow!"

"Don’t laugh at my whip cream. Starbucks whip cream is the jizz of the gods, alright."

"Oh my god, Dave no shut up," you exclaim with a roll of your eyes. So inappropriate. You swear he’s still thirteen sometimes. You don’t hate it, though. For all your show, it never fails to amuse you. "And a grande americano for me, please." With that, you playfully pushed Dave away from the counter and handed the barista your card as she gave you the total. "Thanks!" Wasting no time, you grabbed your card and receipt before yanking Dave back to drag him to the side to wait for your drinks together.

"Whoa, hey, down, Egderp, down. I’m not your god damn yo yo, you can’t just push and drag me around. Jesus Christ."

You laugh, pulling Dave to your side. “Yeah, well, I don’t hear any serious complaints coming from you,” you point out. “You bitch and moan, but you move right along without any sign of a fight.”

A crooked smirk twitched a corner of Dave’s lips up and he just shrugged a shoulder. “Nice to know you don’t even take me seriously. You’re breaking my heart here, bro.” But, really, he just bumped his shoulder against yours again.

"So melodramatic." You roll your eyes with a smile. "And as much as I enjoy our usual banter, our coffee’s up—" to which you grab both pointedly, "—and there’s some stuff we should go over, yeah?"

"Yeah, like what?" Dave asked, reaching for his coffee as he followed after you.

"Just need to think about furniture. I don’t think we need a whole lot, but it’s a good idea to make sure we’re on the same page?" You shrugged a shoulder. "Honestly, it’s just stuff my dad wanted me to go over with you ‘cause he insisted on covering it. He even gave me a damn checklist of certain items." You heaved a sigh at that and flopped into one of the cozy looking armchairs they had strewn about the cafe, pulling the bag you had hanging from your shoulder onto your lap to dig through.

"Man, your dad is somethin’ else," Dave commented as he took a seat in the chair next to you, slouching back and taking a long sip from his coffee.

Dave really said it. There was no other way to describe your dad; not satisfactorily, at least. Maybe overbearing was a word, though sometimes you did begrudgingly appreciate your dad’s affections. It’d… probably be a lot easier to deal with once out of his house, though, you admit. You could only take so much in one sitting. It was just a bit… overwhelming, to be honest.

"Yeah, well." You shrugged a shoulder with a slight frown as you slipped out the binder you kept your stuff in. It was the same binder that had gotten you through your final year of high school, decorated with various clippings from your favorite movies and video games. Yeah, it was cool and anyone who said different was a loser. Especially Dave.

But with that, you both more or less cracked down to business (as much as a pair of dorks like you two could), discussing what sort of things you could fit in the small dorm rooms they provided. You had both decided it’d be easier to discern once you both went to the dorms to unpack some of Dave’s things and get acquainted, but you both decide on a list of miscellaneous crap like extension cords, portable lights, hangers, towels, and other nonsense. Probably extra shelving, that was a decent possibility. You thought it’d be a good idea to bring some mugs and maybe a couple dishes and silverware.

Once done, you both had polished off your coffees and stood, tossing your trash into the recycling bins Starbucks provided.

"Let’s walk up to the college now," you suggested, turning your head to look back at Dave as you exited the cafe.

"Alright, well, lead the way, Egderp." You rolled your eyes at him, even as you turned the corner and did just that.

 

* * *

 

The actual move in process was a pain, really, and for the most part uneventful. Dave had brought up a bunch of equipment you ended up having to store back at your dad’s. Some of it went into your room, some into the garage. Your dad didn’t mind, at least, but you know Dave was disappointed in his own way with how much a fuss he seemed to make about it. Dave’s pick up was a gas hog, though, and honestly just from glancing at it, you don’t know how it made it all the way up from Texas to Washington.

You told him in no uncertain terms that he was better off using public transportation here. Not to mention, with student status at UW, it was really cheap compared to gas. There wasn’t much room for him to argue, though you also couldn’t deny that having his truck around when public transportation wasn’t an option would be good, too.

So, once you both were sure you had everything settled and taken care of, Dave drove you both back to campus and parked in the student parking lot near your building. It was still a mess of cones despite it being so late in the day, twilight stretching across the horizon. You yawned, fumbling for the door handle once you were parked, and stumbled out.

"We should go get some food, I’m starving," you said as you locked the door, glancing over at Dave as he slid out on the driver’s side and did the same.

"Yeah." His response is punctuated by the sound of your doors closing and you grin. "Any suggestions, Egderp? You know the area better than me."

You laugh at that, walking around the truck toward the dorms with Dave falling into step next to you. “Yeah, not that much better, though,” you tell him. “I grew up in Marysville, Dave. We barely ever visited Seattle.” A blond brow rose and you knew he was giving you an incredulous look. You rolled your eyes. “I’ll look something up. You’re an indecisive loser, anyway, who’d eat dog biscuits if someone told you they were peanut butter cookies.”

"I’m offended, John. I’m a man of standards, ok, I only eat top quality canine delicacies, thank you," he quipped in response, smirking as you burst into laughter and playfully shove him away in a show of mock disgust.

"Wow, gross Dave, that’s just gross."

"Have you ever had any dog treats, John? Have you? How can you possibly know if they’re really as gross as you think they are if you’ve never once had a taste?"

You reached the entrance now and you’re still too busy laughing, but Dave opens the door for you and you slip inside, waving at one of the other new students you’d briefly talked to when she greets you both. Nepeta, you think. She was a nice girl, friendly and also pretty silly. You liked that about her. She was standing around talking to this large black guy with rectangular sunglasses. You saw him with her earlier, too, you think, but he didn’t say much. He looked pretty intimidating at first glance, but otherwise he didn’t seem to have much presence to you. Probably a nice enough guy if Nepeta likes hanging around him, though, you think!

You continue on down the hall, quelling your laughter long enough to call behind you, “See you later!” before turning your attention back to Dave. “Seriously, how have I missed it all these years? I mean, honestly Dave, you’re the hugest dork known to man,” you tell him in no uncertain terms.

"Hey, now, Strider’s got a rep. Can’t have you shouting that down the halls, Egderp," Dave defended. He unlocked the door to your dorm and walked right over to his bed, climbing up to sit on the edge with his long legs dangling. His, on the left, had been defaulted to that height— the height of a loft bed, that is. That was one really nice thing about these dorms. The beds were adjustable. Yours you and Dave had to adjust, rearranging things so your desk was underneath like his. It freed up the corners of the room for a little lounge space and a TV for video games and movies.

"Yeah, yeah, Mr. Coolkid Extraordinaire." You smirk, flopping into your desk chair beneath your bed and turning to your desk where your laptop sat. "You in the mood for anything for a change, or am I deciding for the millionth time what we eat?" You were teasing, of course, but you actually don’t really mind. There’s a weird satisfaction you get, knowing no matter what you choose, Dave’s totally cool with it. It’s like blind faith. Or something. But really, he’s just not picky at all and you’re usually good with just going with your gut! It’s probably the best part of your friendship.

Sometimes you do manage to weasel a decision out of him, though, and that’s the most fun.

"Dude, you know I’m good with whatever. So long as it doesn’t have eyes or tastes suspiciously like dirt, I’ll eat it."

You smile at his response, opening your laptop and typing in your password. You take a moment to set up the WiFi network (information which you have written on a post it note on your desk) before opening your browser and looking up restaurants in the area that are open this late. “Ok, pizza or pho. You pick,” you state after a minute, turning to Dave.

He frowned down at you, brows drawn together slightly. “Dude, I don’t—”

"Dave."

"John."

"Just pick, dude."

He sighed, flopping back onto his mattress. “Pizza’s less work.”

"We still have to walk there, I’m so not bringing food back here till we have that mini fridge," you remind him. He groans, but doesn’t budge.

"I haven’t had pho in ages."

"Then pho. You have too much pizza in your diet anyway."

He lifts his head and props himself up on an elbow to look down at you. “Pizza is totally a vegetable, Egbutt.”

"Wow, no, we talked about the Egbutt thing." You make a face at him, then get up and reach out to tug on his leg. "Get your scrawny butt down here so we can go get food."

"Yeah, yeah."  And, he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the first chapter to I don't know how many yet. I hope you liked it! :B  
> I've got some stuff planned, and I know on what note I want to end this fan fiction, but there's also quite a LOT that hasn't been set in stone yet. I kind of like it that way, keepin' it flexible.  
> That said, I have some ships I want to introduce, but the concrete's still wet so to speak. So you'll just have to wait and see! I'll be adding and editing the tags as things progress, though, and if important warnings pop up, I'll mention them in a beginning note of the chapter!  
> I'm also not sure if the rating will stay or go up, I guess we'll just have to see what direction the later chapters take.  
> I am going to do my best to build this up realistically-- that's my goal!! To try and make this as zany and wacky as college REALLY is, college drama included. Also, John being dense toward any affections toward him is definitely a thing.  
> I'm also trying to think of some really crazy prank ideas John can pull off in the future, since that is definitely a thing that needs to happen. John is, after all, the pranking master. And also an asshole, we should never forget that John is a bit of an asshole.  
> I'm rambling at this point, it's a common problem with me (oops).
> 
> LASTLY, thank you all for reading/commenting/leaving kudos/bookmarking!!! I really appreciate it. I grew up in the Seattle area and my brother went to UW, I also did a little research so I like to think I have a good grasp on the scene, but if there are issues or something I overlooked, please let me know!! I'd like to fix whatever issues and redeem myself, thanks a bunch. :B!!
> 
> (also help i can't figure out how to coDE this is the first time i've had to color font jfc help me i should have stuck with oneshots)


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